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Wow this is hard
posted by: deenkates on: 04.07.08 (view in blog) |
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I'm not sure what happened to my quiet, peaceful little bundle of joy but yesterday she turned into a different baby. She pretty much cried from morning until night. I pretty much cried from morning until night too. I hated seeing her so upset and me not knowing what was wrong or what to do. I felt like the worst mother in the world. I didn't know if she was in pain or what the problem was but nothing soothed her. I haven't slept much the past two nights and I'm sure that's not helping the situation. B going back to work on Tuesday hasn't helped either. Everything worked perfectly the past three weeks with him at home. I actually thought I was pretty good at the mom thing, maybe even a natural. But he's only been at work for two days and I'm falling apart. The days are long. It's hard to find the time to pump, wash the bottles and feed her when she's crying hysterically. I feel like I'm at a stand still with the breastfeeding situation. I don't know how to make her go to the breast full time. She will go there and latch on and sit there and suck for almost one hour sometimes and then she's hungry at the end of it. So I don't know if I should just put her back on the breast, give her a bottle or what to do. I'm not sure how much she gets when she goes there but when I pump afterwards I get about 3 oz. so it seems like she didn't get much of anything. It's all very stressful. I didn't think it would be this stressful or this hard. Stupid me.
My good friend H came over yesterday when I was in crisis and set up my bouncy chair. So far it seems like a life saver. She loves sitting in it. In fact, she's sleeping in it right now. I'm not sure if it was gas yesterday or what but there's nothing worse than seeing your child crying and not knowing what to do. I felt so helpless.
Let's hope this gets easier or I get better at it or I get some sleep. I'll take any one of the three. |
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