Living proof that things can always get worse

And Now For Something Completely Different

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 07:58:09 -0700

"The jungle is dark but full of diamonds," ~ Arthur Miller

I suspect you're just as tired hearing about my cancer travails as I am of talking about them and dealing with them. So let's take a little break.

News on the office front:

Loathsome:

Yesterday Loathsome dropped by my office to tell me his computer isn't working. I am not the IT person in the office and, even though I ...

It Goes On

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 08:05:24 -0700

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." ~ Mark Twain

It dawned on me a couple of nights ago that things may never be the same. The swelling in the new girl had finally gone down a bit and I was able to feel a ridge running underneath it. It's like having an underwire bra under the skin. That may theoretically seem like a good thing, ...

Could We Get Along Without It?

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 16:51:36 -0700

"I have traversed many kinds of health, and keep traversing them...And as far as sickness: are we not almost tempted to ask whether we could get along without it? Only great pain is the ultimate liberator of the spirit." ~ Nietzsche ...

I'm Not Quite Back Yet

Sat, 08 Sep 2007 14:00:08 -0700

"Our life is always deeper than we know, is always more divine than it seems, and hence we are able to survive degradations and despairs which otherwise must engulf us". ~ William James

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." ~ Mahatma Gandhi

I'm not online much these days because I'm battling post-surgical pain and loss of stamina. Did I mention depression and despair? They ...

Find Me Here

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 10:43:00 -0700

http://foraysintothevoid.blogspot.com/

Just in case we're too slow at ShoutPost to read.

...

Grace

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 10:38:43 -0700

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." ~ Mahatma Gandhi

I just hugged someone who betrayed me several years ago. I thanked her for stopping by. I'm not sure whether that means I've moved farther down the road to forgiveness or that I'm not brave enough to continue on with my cold indifference. I could say having cancer makes a difference in one's ability ...

Too Much

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 10:34:42 -0700

M.D. Anderson is clearly in sight now. I'll be leaving Wednesday to ensure I get to an early morning sonogram. Later on, The Beloved Dr. Ross. I'm hoping on this trip, he'll ask me to move in with him so he can take care of me forever. Let's not forget that I have hair and muscle tone now. Anything could happen. (Obviously, I'm hard-pressed to contain my anxiety. Dr. Ross is the perfect antidote.) Friday, I drive back to Austin.

On Monday, I drive back to M.D. A ...

The Sound of Looniness

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 18:13:27 -0700

Craziness abounds, even over and above my daily sojourn in Crazy Land. Crazy Land continues to spin, though, and I'm definitely caught in its many manifestations of nuttiness-inspired stress. My anxiety about getting everything accomplished before my Wednesday departure is significantly diminished. Nonetheless I'm always aware of the endless shiver of anxiety burrowed under the level of my daily consciousness.

In the middle of conversations, I suddenly noti ...

Things You Can Be Sure Of

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 11:13:37 -0700

"Everything Must Change" recorded by virtually everyone, my favorite of whom is Nina Simone.

Everything must change
Nothing stays the same
Everyone must change
No one stays the same

The young become the old ...

Which Tarot Card Are You?

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 09:56:08 -0700

<table width=350 align=center border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2><tr><td bgcolor="#CCCCCC" align=center><font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'><b>You Are The Lovers</b></font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><center><img src="http://images.blogthings.com/whattarotcardareyouquiz/lovers.jpg" height="100" wid ...

I've Given Birth Today to Several Dancing Stars

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 10:26:12 -0700

"You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star."~ Nietszche

There simply is not enough time in the day to catalog all of the crappy things going on with me. Most of those things are work-related and I'm sure I'll get around to complaining about them in depth at a later date. For now I'll just hit the high points.

I saw my dermatologist's Physician's Assistant yesterday in the vain hope of finding out the meaning of my diagn ...

Things Can Always Get Worse, Part 57

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 06:40:29 -0700

Note: I attempted to post this yesterday, but the gods of cyberspace apparently opposed that idea.

I got back from physical therapy a few minutes ago to find a message from my dermatologist's office. You know, I'd already decided that everything was fine and I'd just have stitches from the biopsy taken out text week and be on my way. Wrong again. Something is wrong. The message said they'd been trying to get in touch with me and want to set up ...

Bitch Bitch Bitch

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 13:02:06 -0700

I am, among other things, what used to be referred to as "a woman of a certain age." I'm over 50 and I'm good with that. Fifty is a very liberating age, even if you don't have breast cancer to remind you of whom you truly are. Be happy with you, because you're great just the way you are.

Nonetheless, I've been in a general quandary about what's appropriate (or not) for women my age to wear. To help enlighten myself and avoid embarrassing ...

Things Can Always Get Worse. Or Better. Or The Same.

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 08:46:59 -0700

I had an appointment with my radiation oncologist on Thursday morning. He diagnosed the pain and swelling as localized lymphedema. I'd considered that possibility before, but my several sources of information only mentioned swelling down the arm, not under the arm. I don't understand why sometimes it's localized and sometimes it isn't. He said that physical therapy might be very helpful and referred me to a clinic here in town. They're supposed to contact ...

Radiation Oncology and Infinite Love

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 12:57:35 -0700

"Her mind lives tidily, apart From cold and noise and pain, And bolts the door against her heart, Out wailing in the rain." ~ Dorothy Parker

I just ate an apple without washing it. Do you suppose it will kill me? Big ironic smile here. My dark sense of humor has grown much darker the past couple of years.

I finally broke down and called the radiation oncology office yesterday. They were busy, of course, and the recordi ...

Anguished

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 09:01:37 -0700

"I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can," "Things Have Changed," Bob Dylan

I tried calling in sick to Life. "Hello, Life? I'm not myself today, so I won't be coming in. I'm sure I'll be back tomorrow." Life does not accept those kinds of calls. I'm reduced to living on the outskirts of consciousness, tamping everything down and floating around the edges where nothing ...

Elizabeth Edwards Again and Again and Again

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 08:12:06 -0700

"Consider that thou dost not even understand whether men are doing wrong or not, for many things are done with a certain reference to circumstance. And, in short, a man must learn a great deal to enable him to pass a correct judgment on another man's acts. ~ Marcus Aurelius

Warning: If profanity offends you, stop now.

Want to know what offends me? Continu ...

The Jim Bob Memorial Film School

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 11:54:58 -0700

"No plan can prevent a stupid person from doing the wrong thing in the wrong place at the wrong time - but a good plan should keep a concentration from forming." ~ Charles Erwin Wilson, 1890-1961

It's another Loathsome story. Who would have guessed? Recall that Loathsome is in charge of a huge project and that he's already made some damn fine progress in screwing it up. The trend continues.

This morning, I opened my ...

Don't Eat The Dogs

Fri, 06 Jul 2007 08:29:53 -0700

Click this, please. Do not eat (wo)man's best friend.

www.DogMeatTrade.com

...

Anniversary

Fri, 06 Jul 2007 08:17:26 -0700

Today is the one year anniversary of the end of radiation treatment. I spent seven weeks, five days a week, lying on a big table in some kind of molded stuff that was supposed to keep me in exactly the same position every day. The molded stuff did not feel good and sometimes it was hard to get my body to fit back into that particular configuration. (When I left every day, they'd label my mold and hang it up, along with lots of other people's molds.)

Then everyone would lea ...

The Return of Loathsome

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 12:16:40 -0700

Oh jesus. Loathsome is in the office today and we've already been unable to prevent him from coming upstairs. Right off the bat.

I was on my way to Owner's office when I saw him standing in the Information Superhighway's office, forcing Money Man to look for something. (Information Superhighway is out for a couple of weeks.) I took some pleasure in noting Loathsome was already infuriating Money Man. I could see him clenching his teeth, presumably in an effort to kee ...

What Book Are You?

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 08:00:28 -0700

You're Love in the Time of Cholera!
by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Like Odysseus in a work of Homer, you demonstrate undying loyalty by sleeping with as many people as you possibly can. But in your heart you never give consent! This creates a strange quandary of what love really means to you. On the one hand, y ...

I Have Absolutely No Idea What I'm Doing

Tue, 26 Jun 2007 12:35:39 -0700

Friends from tblog seem to be migrating here. God knows I have a zillion weblogs, all of which are exactly the same except for the daily titles. (Different audiences) So here's a new one.
I'll figure this out sooner or later.
...

All Manner Of Things Shall Be Well

Tue, 26 Jun 2007 12:31:33 -0700

Today I planned to get around to checking in with all of my online blogging friends. I always miss sharing in their daily lives when I have to be gone--usually because of a trip to deal with cancer in one way or another. I may not get around to that, after all.
I'm crying now. In my office. At the mercy of anyone in Crazy Land who happens to knock on my door. I do not wish for them to see me cry. It's too personal to explain and there is no consolation to be found. Certainly ...

I Feel Just Like A Kid Again

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 07:45:56 -0800

"Keeping off a large weight loss is a phenomenon about as common in American medicine as an impoverished dermatologist." ~ Calvin Trillin

The ggirl you know now has a solid hold on personal style. People point out clothing in catalogs and say, "That's a ggirl dress." This was not always the case.
I always drop about ten pounds whenever I start a new job. It's not like I mean to, it's just a result of stress. I've worked ...

Damn Damn Damn...

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 09:17:50 -0800

...damn damn. I can't get access to my blog on Tblog and that means I can't get access to my friends there. What a moron I am. Why did I not write their email addresses down? Even once. Oh yeah...it's because I think all weblog sites should be forever, much like a diamond. I can't get to their blogs to see how their day is going. Damn.
Furthermore, somehow my hair turned out oblong today. It's just sitting on the to ...