This is MY story and I'm sticking to it!

It's Official

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 14:30:42 -0800

As of today, I am a licensed practical nurse. Hurray! ...

Just Checking In - As Opposed To Out

Fri, 30 May 2008 19:45:22 -0700

Caught a wild hare and decided to post. Went to the park today with the kindergarten classes. We learned that frogs suck in their eyeballs when they swallow to help force the food down their throats - interesting fact I never realized I didn't know. Some of my past has come back to haunt me in the last few days. I'm still terribly homesick, but I realize I can never go back. Too much water under the bridge ...

South Pacific Murals

Sat, 26 Jan 2008 11:40:28 -0800

A little something I've been working on to distract me from the miserable things in my life...

To say this past year has been difficult would be woefully inadequate. I've faced a lot of major life changes and done so with about as much dignity as I can muster. If I dwell too long on any one of them, I'd get bogged down in a swamp of self-pity. Instead, I'm going to shelve as much of the tough stuff as I can and do my best to look forward. I'm facing a few more major life changes, but I'm hoping and be ...

Pre-emptive Strike

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 21:50:02 -0800

I was thinking I'd be filing for divorce after the first of the year. Get the holidays out of the way and just take the plunge. My husband told me tonight that he has an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow morning and will be taking care of that part of things himself. He said the lawyer could work with both of us (I'm not too sold on that) and we'll just get it taken care of. We had a fairly reasonable conversati ...

Blah!

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 19:41:20 -0800

The closer it gets to Christmas, it seems the more down I am. I know there's plenty of rational explaination - this has been one of the most difficult years in my life thus far. I'm on the verge of divorce, I'm living in a different city away from my friends and family, I've placed a lot of pressure on myself with school, finances are tight and looking to get much tighter, my heart feels empty and full at the same time, ...

Santa Sucks

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 17:09:43 -0800

While reading another blog about Austrailia's choice to change Santa's "Ho! Ho! Ho!" to "Ha! Ha! Ha!", it occured to me that I'm completely offended by the whole concept of Santa Claus. I think it's wrong to tell children that the "good" kids get presents and the "bad" kids get lumps of coal. Based on my own personal experience, I've found that it just isn't true. I can rememeber one Christmas when I was in ...

Wordless Wednesday

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 10:00:48 -0800

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Camelot

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 19:49:24 -0800

I know where I was a year ago today. Wow, it's been a long year. Did any of that really happen, or did I imagine it all? ...

Why I Want To Be A Nurse

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 15:10:55 -0700

This assignment seemed simple enough; just explain the above statement. Even so, I've had a hard time getting started because I want this to be genuine and accurate. Mostly, I just want to communicate how the choice to become a nurse has been more of a process of discovery than a decision I made in a single moment. I've spent quite a bit of time getting my thoughts organized before I sat down to write. In doing so, I reali ...

Happy Halloween!

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 04:28:38 -0700

I was just reading another post and the accompanying comments about Halloween and it got me thinking about why I celebrate this particular holiday, knowing full well that it has pagan roots. For a long time, I wasn't able to celebrate. I was involved in an Assemblies of God church and they frowned on it. OK, that was an understatement. I used to volunteer in the church office. My job was to publish the church& ...

Strange Dream

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 14:45:11 -0700

My life has been hectic the past couple of weeks. It always is this time of year, what with fall parties at school, costumes, and the general pressure I place on myself to be supermom. This year has been especially challenging when I factor in my school schedule. I enjoy school and I'm trying hard to settle into the routine while still trying to keep things running smooth at home. I thought I was doing pretty well until ...

A Song That Makes Me Smile

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 14:52:10 -0700

Wise men say only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay
Would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you

Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life too
For I can't help falling in love with you

Something my son shared with me that I thought I'd pass along:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5z4Vs26-TI

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All 80s All The Time

Sat, 20 Oct 2007 18:06:12 -0700

I went to a costume party at a local winery last night with my friend Susan. The wine was free-flowing and the costumes were outrageous. I wish I'd gotten a picture of the grand prize winners in their "Adam & Eve" costumes. They wore only flesh-colored body stockings with leaves covering their "naughty bits". Brave souls and a fabulous idea. It got them a trip to Cancun, so it was wor ...

It's My Birthday!!

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 04:56:48 -0700

And it's going to be a great day!

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If I Had A Million Dollars....

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 10:19:47 -0700

That's the song (by Bare Naked Ladies - I love that group name!) I woke up to this morning. It makes me laugh! ....I'd buy you a monkey - haven't you always wanted a monkey? Maybe a spider monkey so I'd know what the hell they were talking about when they say "I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!" So, I started thinking about what I'd really buy if I had $1,000,000. That's a ...

Maybe I Am A Drama Queen

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 13:25:50 -0700

A friend of mine invited me to spend Saturday night at her house, sans kids. My son will be "hanging" with his dad this weekend and going to some kind of Renaissance festival in Sioux City. I hope he has a good time - and I actually mean that. It's an activity that would normally be right up my alley and one my husband would be dragged to under protest (if he went at all), but he actually offered to take my (our) son ...

A Year Ago Today...

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 10:22:26 -0700

...he took me in his arms and kissed me for the first time. Six months after that, he took me in his arms and kissed me for the last time. A year later, I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking about moving forward. I'm learning that I don't need someone else to define me. I've learned that I can move forward and be who I want to be - which is an extraordinary human being for the simple fact that there i ...

Self-fulfilling Prophecy

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 22:39:18 -0700

Start the day in tears and end it the same way. For much the same reason. I dreamt of the Bishop again last night. The ultra vivid dream where he tells me he loves me and wants me, but I can never reach him. The circumstances are different, but the theme is the same. We arrange to meet and do everything we can to make it happen, but the dream ends before we do. I wake up hurting and thinking about something he sa ...

My New Boyfriend

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 16:11:38 -0700

I went to orientation for nursing school this morning, which was held in the nursing lab. We started out right away with CPR training. I'd never been in the lab before, so I was shocked to walk in and meet the man of my dreams. It was love at first sight!

Feel My Pain!

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 15:26:25 -0700

After today, I'm now positive I'm regressing! In the past 6 months, I've enrolled in school, applied for student loans, developed a persistent acne problem, and today - had a school physical, complete with booster shots. All of this from a new doctor.

I've been to doctor's offices enough to know what to expect. I signed in and filled out paperwork.&nbs ...

Sucking Big Giant Rocks

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 17:11:57 -0700

I'm experiencing serious aggression right now. I want to beat the hell out of something or someone. I quit smoking a couple of days ago and the withdrawal symptoms should be easing, but I'm not feeling it right now. Perhaps because there's so much other tension going on in my life. Perhaps it's because nobody is walking on eggshells around me because nobody around me even knew how much I smoked or how long I& ...

Church Humor

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 19:31:25 -0700

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

The next Sunday, the new priest took the monsignor's advice. At the be ...

Book Hunting

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 18:52:15 -0700

My counselor recommended that I read a couple of books today, so I trekked on over to Barnes & Noble to see what I could see. I found the books I was looking for and realized that they were in the Relationship section, which happens to be right across the aisle from the Sex section. There was an older gentleman perusing that particular section. When he realized I was looking at him, he moved on down the line. Ever curiou ...

Reading

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 22:55:14 -0700

I just read the saddest, most amazing book. I cried at the end - as much for the course of events in the book as for the course of events in my life. That's the mark of a good book, really. The ability to believe that the events in a story are real. The characters are genuine - real people trying to make it through the day, like anyone else, with the tendency to drag you right along with them because ...

Sentimental

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 15:05:43 -0700

I thought I was doing so grand and then it hit me yet again. A friend called to tell me she'd seen the Bishop and his wife the other night when they were out to dinner. It sucked to hear that. I expected his life would just go on as it always had, but I still feel a tugging when I hear that it has. Maybe I should be glad he's out with his wife instead of with someone new. Maybe he meant what he said when he tol ...

Chicago...

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 21:12:29 -0700

...was amazing. I went to the top of the Sears Tower. I told my son and he said, "You mean the woman who's afraid of heights even when she's watching a movie went up to the top of the Sears Tower??". It's true, I'm terrified of heights. I'm really proud of myself for going through with the experience!

It's Not My Birthday

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 06:42:50 -0700

Happy Birthday Bishop. I still think about you. I still care about you. I still love you. Part of me always will. It's been the strangest (and hardest) year. A year ago today, I had an appointment with you in your office. You were stressing about being a whole year older. You were as baffled as anyone else at how your age didn't seem to match up with the image you had of yourself. I want ...

I Want It All Back

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 18:58:46 -0700

When did I become an adult? When did I realize that my decisions have consequences? When did I begin to take responsibility for those decision/consequences and try to do better? The better question - the question of the day is When did I take on other people's responsibilities in addition to my own?

I know that my children have to be a priority. I know that they didn& ...

Uncharacteristically Silent

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 18:57:36 -0700

I've been neglecting my blog and those of others because I've spent way too much time on the phone recently. Dealing with insurance companies SUCKS! I don't want to buy a car. I don't have time to buy a car. I hate buying them under any circumstances, but especially when I don't have the leisure time to devote to research and negotiating. I feel completely ill-suited to the whole experience. A ...

Relationships Based On Lies

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 12:59:51 -0700

I loved the Bishop. Of that I'm certain, but as much as I loved him, I loved the idea of him. A big, strong, virile man who listened and communicated with me on an intimate level. Still, what I found most attractive about him (integrity, kindness, Godliness) was sullied when we crossed the line into that intimate wrong relationship. I've been thinking about what it means to be a "nice" person because that&# ...

Been Awhile

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 21:49:19 -0700

It's been awhile. I don't know if I'll keep posting here after this one. I'm pretty sure I'm heading for divorce court. Maybe that will be the final punctuation on this time period in my life. I love my kids and I desperately want the best for them. I hope anyone who's reading will pray for them. This experience hasn't been a total loss. I've learned a lot about myself - about w ...

Thoughts To Ponder

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 09:08:53 -0700

I've been pretty consistent in my desire to make good choices and do what I know is right. What if I don't know what's right? The more I'm learning, the more I'm questioning. I'm comfortable with that. If I don't ask questions, how will I ever learn anything? So, the question for the day is "What If?"

What if I end up getting divorce ...

Conviction Crisis

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 13:57:33 -0700

I hate people who tell me I need to quit smoking. I hate them because I know they're right. I love to smoke, but I don't love the smell of it on other people. I don't like the fact that it's inconvenient or the amount it costs. I don't smoke anywhere near my kids. I don't smoke near the entrances to buildings. I throw the butts away when I'm finished. I'm a fairly consciencio ...

Getting It Together

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 07:52:05 -0700

We went to counseling yesterday. I've suspected my husband is about ready to give up on it because he's not been liking what he's hearing. What he's hearing is that he has to start examining his own feelings, their sources, and trying to learn how to put them into perspective. If he understands himself better, he might be able to exercise better self-control in the way he behaves towards me. Those things requ ...

Da Blues

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 11:46:17 -0700

I'm in such a funk this afternoon! I feel like I should dig out a black turtleneck, paint a random shade of dark melancholy on my lips and go read bad poetry in some coffee house. Now I'm beginning to wonder if I should take my own lone candle with me to light before the reading or if one will be provided. Is that a commonly stocked item in coffee houses anymore? It should be. I should be able&nb ...

Not A Morning Person

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 09:14:12 -0700

I'm tired. Really tired. I haven't been able to get much sleep the past couple of nights. I'm trying to get homework done and get the kids geared up to start school - tomorrow! I'm glad for that. They're bored and tired of me and need to be out making friends. I still have a lot of projects around the house I need to get done and just haven't had the motivation or free time to get them done. Maybe having time ...

Messages

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 14:24:25 -0700

As an alternative to sending messages on here, please consider sending email to bishopsfantasy1@yahoo.com

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Speaking My Mind

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 13:40:43 -0700

Yesterday was quite a day for me. I don't think I would've been able to get through it if not for what God has been doing in my life. He has been at work. I could never have exhibited the kind of self-control I did in facing that woman without Him. If you ask any of my friends they'll tell you I'm passionate and have little difficulty in expressing unrestrained emotion. When I'm upset,&nbs ...

Backed Into A Corner

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 21:35:01 -0700

Here's the situation: Last night, I went and helped out with the rummage sale the church was having. I needed to get out of the house and be around people, even if they are all total strangers. I took my daughter with me because she's also getting a touch of cabin fever. We got home just after 8pm. My husband and son were gone - no note or anything left to indicate where they might be, so I called. I didn ...

Project for Kenneth

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 10:18:00 -0700

Apparently your little buddy needs a place to change so as not to expose himself. Happy building!

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Cell Phone Epidemic

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 21:02:23 -0700

I didn't realize how much I hated the sound of cell phones ringing in restaurants until I took a cruise where the cell phones didn't work. As the ship was docking at the end of the cruise, the phones started ringing and it hammered home the point that cell phone etiquette needs to be firmly established. Laws are being put in place to cover the dangers of talking while driving, but what about the annoyance habits that can't b ...

Superman, Where Are You Now?

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 10:54:57 -0700

Been a tough morning. The day is likely to get tougher as it progresses. Still, my sense of humour hasn't deserted me. Superman is long gone, so how about finding his replacement?

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Girly Stuff

Thu, 16 Aug 2007 13:25:07 -0700

I had plans today - with someone other than family members! Call me crazy, but I was pretty excited. I needed to get out of the house and it was really good to go with someone else, even a total stranger I met at church. We went to a little area called Valley Junction. It's an area a few blocks in size that has all kinds of artisan-type shops. There's a costume shop, a vintage clothing store, lots of ...

Crashed Out

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 13:27:54 -0700

Today has been a complete waste of time in terms of getting anything accomplished. I should have sorted through and loaded stuff from my basement to take to a church for a garage sale to benefit kids in Haiti. I was also supposed to complete my "homework" for Bible study tonight. I'm a little behind because of school meetings and homework for my classes. Rather than doing any of those things, I've been slee ...

Surviving School

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 09:55:37 -0700

I can totally understand why my son hates school! Yesterday, we went to a meeting at the junior high. It was for new families entering the school district - a chance for the kids to pick up their schedules, do any final registration paperwork, and cover any questions parents might have. Incidentally, the registration packet contained just about every thing a person could possibly want to know about the school, plus about a hundred ...

Simply Red

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 19:09:37 -0700

My feeble attempt at "Holding Back The Years" :)

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Exhausted, But Happy

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 20:51:30 -0700

I've had quite the challenging day. I drove to Sioux City so I could have lunch with my swim group and celebrate my friend June's birthday. On the way there, I blew a tire going 75 miles per hour. That was quite an ordeal. It sounded like a jet taking off, then the van started the tell-tale hard vibration like hitting speed bumps at highway speed. I pulled over, put my jacket on (it was raining, of course) ...

New Assignment

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 12:54:01 -0700

I had a counseling appointment this afternoon. Kenneth, you're gonna love this. I've been assigned some reading material - a book called, "Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me: How to Recognize and Manage the Narcissists in Your Life". The good news of the day is that whatever brand of crazy I have is the "normal" kind, so I am good enough and smart enough and people should like me!!! So nah nah ...